Moles

“Hmm.”

What? Is that good or bad? What’s going on?

“Okay, Caitlin.”

Are you going to tell me what’s going on now?

“Now, there are four signs of malignant moles that we look for.”

What’s that paper for? Is she writing this down for me? A, B, C, D? Yeah, I can count to four, too.

“The first is asymmetry. Do you know what that is?”

I’m not stupid! I’m sixteen years old.

“Good. The second one is border. If the border is jagged, it could be malignant. The third one is color.”

Oh, how cute. The four signs match up with the four letters: A, B, C, D; asymmetry, border, color…

“If it isn’t uniform all the way through.”

Did I miss D? Oh well, I’ve got that handy dandy paper to take home with me.

“And the fourth sign is diameter. If the diameter, that’s all the way across, is greater than one centimeter.”

Don’t patronize me! I’m in pre-calculus. I know what a diameter is!

“Now, one of your moles is fine. But the other one is exhibiting three of these four signs. It’s asymmetrical, has a jagged border, and it’s not uniform in color.”

So there’s a three in four chance that it’s malignant? There’s a 75% chance that I have cancer?

“There’s nothing more that I can determine here.”

You don’t know whether or not I have cancer?!?

“But, don’t worry.”

Don’t worry? You just told me that there’s a 75% chance I have skin cancer, you’re not sure whether I do or not, and I’m not supposed to panic?

“I’m going to recommend you to a dermatologist.”

A dermatologist?

“You can set up an appointment for her to look at it.”

Why? We already know it’s probably malignant. Can’t she just take it out?

“You can probably get an appointment by early April.”

Early April? It’s January. That’s four months. I won’t know whether or not I have cancer for four months?

“Do you have any questions?”

…

“No? Are you sure? Okay, I’ll get the recommendation. I’ll be right back.”

Oh God. What if I have cancer? What’s going to happen? Oh please oh please oh please let me not have cancer.

“Okay, here you go. And Caitlin, thanks for being such a great patient.”

Oh boy! Do I get a lollipop?

“We’ll see you later. “

How can she be so cheery? She just told me that I might have cancer! I really hate the doctor.